:: Chapter IV - A chess match ::

Chapter IV
A chess match

We were talking for almost two hours. Rianne showed me some pictures and asked about those behavioral questions. After I answered everything, she asked me to tell the story; everything, since I woke up on that beach till now. I knew it could take quite long; chiefly if I would mention the people who saved me. However I wouldn't talk about that, probably.

- The first thing that comes to my mind is that probably you have a hysterical amnesia. Something caused a shock that drove you into this condition. Despite the fact you had a hit on your head, it wasn't the cause. However, the main problem is the absence of an ID. Worse than that, those documents you found. What we can do...
- I know what you can do, Doctor! At least, I think I do. The only question is why are you taking too long to start a treatment? Give me some medicine, something.

Maybe I did a big mistake. I didn't wait for her to finish talking. That's the problem with doctors: they talk, talk and talk. Most of the time, 80% of what they say you were already expecting. I know I have amnesia and I'm confused about the documents. So, she could have said something a bit more useful.

- Mr. Natan, I'm trying to help you. So, please, let me finish. As I was trying to say, what we can do first is contact a detective to look for the owners of those documents. I have a friend that used to work for the Foreign Police. Also, he has some specialties in hypnosis. I guess he can help on both ways. I will ask him to come by, and do that as fast as he can.
- I'm sorry, Doctor Rianne. I hope you understand that it's not easy for me. I'm really thankful for your help.
- You are welcome, Ms. Natan. Now you can go back to your room.

That said she took her purse and some annotations she did, about me probably. Rianne was a red hair woman, as taller as I am. She wasn't wearing white, as most of the doctors do. The only white piece was a shirt, under her black blazer. She had black pants as well. The result of black clothes, red hair and green eyes was like if you have a she-elf dressed as a gothic girl. I stood up and opened the door for her. After we left the room, she took the first corridor on right and I kept walking straight ahead. After the junctions, I took the corridor on my left. The funniest thing I realised was that my room had a number totally against the pattern used. I mean, I found out that the rooms on my right had even numbers, starting from 200; on my left, the other rooms started from 201, odd numbers. So, why my room was numbered as 131?

When I reached the door I waited for some time, looking at Mr. Arnold’s bed. This time he wasn’t awake; at least from here it seemed he was sleeping. So, I guess I won’t have any surprises like “Hello Natan”. The strangest thing was that he just went to sleep after his greetings. Then I went to my bed, just to take some rest. The talk with Doctor Rianne was really long. We started by half past two PM, and now it’s almost half past five. Thus, some rest before the dinner is a quite good deal. I just lied on my bed, put my hands under my head, and when I was about to close my eyes in an attempt to remember something… I heard a voice saying:

- Well Natan, based on my last try, it seemed you don’t want to talk with your room mate. Am I right?

I just tried to think as fast as I could in 5 seconds. I couldn’t find any proper answer. I wasn’t desperate, just confused. The guy lying on the bed beside me tried to kill himself because he cannot remember anything. But now, and that is really strange, he heard my name and remember me. Even worse, he talks like a healthy person, in both physical and mental states. If suddenly he started getting better, is good for me as well; maybe they can fix me.

- Hello Mr. Arnold; and sorry for not talking to you earlier today, I wasn’t expecting you to remember the name I’m using.
- Sure, I understand. I was surprise as well for seeing you here.

Heartbeat increasing fast, anxiety; I thought I would have a spontaneous combustion. He should be kidding me. He was, definitively, kidding me. I sat on the bed with my hands on my head, but not in a relaxing position.

- What do you mean by “I was surprise as well for seeing you here”, Mr. Arnold?
- You can call me Arnold, no problem at all.
- Answer my question!

At that moment Angela came into the room. She looked surprise, staring at me.

- With whom are you talking to?
- With whom?! I’m talking to him…

Then I turned to Mr. Arnold, pointed to him and realised that he was sleeping. Now it’s the right moment to get desperate. I told her everything about what happened, after she left and after I came back from the talk with Doctor Rianne.

- Mr. Natan, I know it’s being hard for you to handle all of this, but we gave some medicine to Mr. Arnold. I don’t think it’s time for him to wake up.
- You don’t understand. He was awake; he is just pretending.

I stood up and took three steps to Mr. Arnold's bed; he was sleeping. At least that’s what I thought at a first glance. Then I tried to wake him up, touching his hand gently. He was so cold. For one moment I thought I was touching a dead body. But suddenly, he made some noise, like a dog grunting. I looked at Angela and she just moved her shoulders, like she didn’t understand anything at all. I gave up and I went back to bed.

- Mr. Natan, I do perfectly understand that you are really confused. I already told that. Just relax and try to sleep a bit, you need some rest. Doctor Rianne asked me to tell you that her friend is coming tomorrow to see you.

Let me see: detective, hypnosis specialist and psychologist. I guess that fine and it means good news. I will try to forget about Mr. Arnold for now.

- Fine by me, Angela. I'm not going anywhere. What did you bring for me?
- Let's see: some soup, bread and an apple. If you want some coffee, just let me know.
- Everything is fine. Thank you.

She was leaving the room when she stopped and turned to me:

- I almost forget. I asked if you could watch some TV. So, by now, if you want to, you can go to the reception. Just don't leave the main hall. We will bring the TV tomorrow. But keep in mind that you have to keep an eye on Mr. Arnold; he can try again with the TV wires.
- That's fine. I guess he won't move anyway.

She left and I was having my dinner. I was really full of hope. The detective could give me some amibarbital and I would talk about everything. That would help me to find my family, or someone that was looking for me now. It took almost one hour to have a plate of soup and four slices of bread. The apple I would eat later on. I was really excited about the next day. Then I heard a deep breath. I thought for one second who did that; and I closed my eyes. He said:

- So she left. And she is still thinking I'm sleeping. What do you think, Natan? May I call you Natan?

I repeated to myself several times that he was still sleeping.

- Come on, Natan. You know I'm awake. You know I can talk to you.
- What's the matter with you, Mr. Arnold? Why don't you talk to other people?
- Well, it's a bit hard to explain. I tried to kill myself, as you heard about. After that, I started keeping some memories in my mind. I guess that’s why I remember you. But there is something else: you seem really familiar to me. But this I cannot recall.
- My second question...
- Well, it's just as strange for me as it is for you. I don't want them to make any sort of experiment with me. In time everything will be explained.

That's the second time I heard the phrase here. What is it about? Maybe it’s just an old cliché; maybe not. At least Mr. Arnold explained a bit about his situation.

- Do you to play some chess, Natan? It could help you to get your memories back; at least about chess.
- Well, if you can remember you can teach me.
- It's under my bed, get. Let's adjust the high of our beds and use this wheel chair as a table.

We played chess for almost the whole night. I was a bit surprised because I could remember something about chess, indeed. We went to sleep around 3 AM; I just ignored Angela remarks about rest. By nine in the morning she came into the room; I was just waking up. She told me:

- You slept like a baby. I came to check if everything was fine, by 8 PM, you were in a deep sleep. How do you feel today, Mr. Natan?

:: Chapter III - Hello Mr. Arnold ::

Chapter III
Hello Mr. Arnold

They took me to the room number 131. It seemed to have something about 20 square metres, plus a bathroom. I looked over my left shoulder and saw another bed, a wheelchair and what seemed to be a person under the sheet. He, or she, was so thin that for one moment I thought it was just a couple of pillows not well arranged. But suddenly I realised that pillows do not breathe. Well, I wouldn't check by myself; sooner or later I would be introduced to him/her.

I was at that place for around one hour, someone has to come and see me. When I stopped thinking about that, a lady came into the room. She was a black woman, around 185 cm tall, with a strong body, maybe 50 years old, with a big smile on her face. She just transmitted to me a really good amount of happiness. She was wearing one of those white jackets, just like coming from a noir film. She looked at me and said:

- Hello handsome. My name is Madelijne, but you can call me Doctor Madelijne if you prefer. I don't really care for the Doctor thing; it's not part of my name. How are you feeling? My colleague just told me you cannot remember anything. Got better in the last hour?
- Hi Madelijne, really nice to meet you. I do feel better; but still, cannot remember anything. At least my eye, head and leg are not in pain anymore. I mean, I can handle that for now on.
- That's all right, son. We will try to collect some information about you. We don't have your details yet, but some of them we can get from your ID, if you have it with you.
- That's another problem. I didn't have any chance to tell this to the other guys. Please, come closer and look at what I found on my wallet.

At that moment she came, maybe 3 steps closer. Now I was sitting in the bed; I lifted my right hand on her direction, holding the passport and the ID. She was looking at me, a bit serious, but still with a smile on her face. Then she took them from my hand, had a look for a while, like she was trying to decipher something. She turned her black eyes on me and said:

- Son, it's a quite strange. We have received some people with memory problems, but most of them were just old and had Alzheimer. I hope it's not a joke. I cannot take any conclusion now, of course, but you know it's a crime pretending to be ill just to take some advantage from the government. Don't you?
- Mrs. Madelijne, you are just as much surprise as I was when I first saw those documents. I'm not pretending anything. I really would like to remember how I came to The Netherlands. If you have some time now, I can explain everything I have been through since I woke up on that beach.
- I'm so sorry, son. I didn't mean that. It's just a quite strange for me. Never mind. Doctor Rianne will come later on to talk to you. She is our psychologist; probably she will take you to another room. Before that, the nurse will come with some food and juice, you need to eat something. You had some serum on your way from Ameland to here, because you were dehydrated; that’s why you don't feel hungry right now, but still you have to eat. Is there anything else I can do for you now?
- Actually there is something: I would like to have a really good shower, get shaved and, if it's possible, someone could shave my head as well. You know, I got this bandages and they shaved just a little spot to be able to put the tape. I don't think I look like handsome now.

She laughed really loud when I told that. And it was really sort of magical how she could transmit all that energy. I hope I can remember her after I get my old memories back. When she stopped laughing, and it took a while, she told me:

- You can have a shower and get shaved just after I leave. Of course, if you can stand up and walk by your own. If you need help, juts push the red button on your right side, and someone shall come quickly. I will tell the nurse to bring a shaver with her, so she can help you after your lunch.
- Lunch?! What time is it? When?
- It’s just half past midday. You had a good night of sleep. Concerning when, it is Friday already, 17th July. Do you remember the year?
- I saw on the calendar in the ambulance. It's 2009, isn't it?
- Yes, it's 2009. Good observation, by the way. So, when Rianne finishes her job, I will come to see you again.
- That's fine, Mrs. Madelijne. Have a nice day.

She went away, still smiling and like singing a song while she walked through the corridor. And then, just ten seconds after, she came to the door and asked:

- How do you want to be called: Anne-Marie or Stanley?

She laughed again and when I realised I was laughing like a child, almost crying. Then I remembered the person sleeping beside me; I looked at her and made a silence sign. And I said:

- Please, just don't call me John Doe. I would suggest something like Natan; and I would say that I don't recall why, if you ask me.

Then, she went away.
This time I waited for a while before she left. It's time to be really handsome, I thought. I went to the bathroom; it was a 3 per 2 metres bathroom; the shower was in a metallic box on my right; I saw some towels hanging on a hook in the wall, just in front of me; also a sanitary just beside where the towels were hanging on. I couldn't see a mirror; I really would like to see my face. Then I switched on the light and I saw the sink on my left, a bit behind the door. If there is a sink, probably there will be a mirror. There is always a mirror above a sink, I told to myself. I have to step into this bathroom and face myself; and I did that with my eyes closed. One step in, then I turned left 90 degrees, waited for some time, thinking about the shock that it could be for me. I was expecting to receive an avalanche of memories at once. Then I opened my eyes and the most probably thing just happened: I didn't recognise myself.

I was standing for few minutes already, contemplating myself. I was a tall guy; not really tall, but around 180 centimetres; light-brown eyes, brown hair. Yes, actually a nice guy as the doctor said. But at that moment, I was tired, and I could see that on my face. Maybe all I needed was a shower to wash all of this away. So I went to have my douche; and after that I should get shaved. I checked in a drawer below the sink and there I found all I needed.

I was feeling like a new person, cleaned up and with no memories, lying on my bed and just waiting for my lunch when she came into the room. I almost fell from the bed. I felt like someone was making a bad joke with me. Maybe that place wasn’t a hospital at all. I stared at her with a sort of fury in my eyes and asked:

- What the hell are you doing here?!

She got scared after that. I guess she was expecting another reaction; or maybe nothing at all. I took a deep breath and said:

- Please, take my apologies. I'm really a bit confused and just see you here is not something that I was expecting. But since you are a nurse, why did you let me there yesterday? I heard the recording from the emergency and I thought I was getting crazy.
- Pardon me, Sir, but I don't know what you are talking about. I was working for the whole day yesterday. I have never seen you before. But no worries, I understand your condition.

She was really cold when she said that, there was no way she could be lying to me; and I could just believe on her.

- Doctor Madelijne told me to call you Natan. So, Mr. Natan, do you want you lunch now? I also brought a shaver, after lunch we can work out a new hair cut for you.

I just agreed with what she said, without saying anything back. Then on that afternoon I had my first lunch at the Talma Sionsberg Ziekenhuis; that was the name I saw on her uniform. Now I have to find out her name.

- So, what’s you name, if I may ask?
- It’s not a problem at all, Sir. My name is Angela. I’ve been working here for a while, around 2 years.
- Two years is a quite long time. I mean to work at the same place. But of course it depends on several variables. Is that your first job?
- I agree concerning the period, but as a first job, and it answers your last question, it's a good time to learn and grow on my career. Perhaps, they can offer me some good opportunities here.
- You are right; and I don't know that much about your job. Actually, I don't know about anything else.

She gave me a single smile when I said that. It's interesting what's happening here, I already started making jokes with my current condition. I guess it's something good; at least I'm not really a boring guy.

- And who is lying on the other bed?
- That's Mr. Arnold. He is here for a long time; longer than I am, indeed. He has multiple sclerosis. Unfortunately, few days ago he tried to kill himself. I came with his dinner and after some time he asked for more water. After I went to bring some more, he broke his plastic spoon and stabbed it into his fore arm, just closer to his pulse. When I came back he was unconscious and bleeding a lot. I don't know if he will remember that, even with the scar. Anyway, he is almost 85 years old. With all of his complications, he won't last that much.
- You just made a bit heavy remark with your last comment. But despite that fact, why did he try to kill himself? I know it's a tough situation, but that's not the end.
- Well, his family came here one day before his attempt: wife, daughter, granddaughter and grandson. He didn't remember anyone of them. They spent one hour talking and trying to make him remember at least some moments. Before they left, his wife gave to him a video with almost everything they have been through. He watched the video the day after, just before his dinner. So, maybe, that would be the reason.

I didn't say anything. I was just thinking about my situation. Maybe it was even worse because I don't know if I have a family to look after me. However, it's not time to get desperate, not yet.

- I guess we had a good chat for today, right?
- Yes, that's right Angela.
- So, let's have a look at your hair. How do you want that?
- Good one, maybe you can try Clark Kent style.
- A Lex Luthor hair cut is more suitable for you now.

Then we laughed together. And it's always good to laugh. It gives a sort of feeling that for one moment everything will be fine, every step taken in a wrong direction will lead you to the right place. It's always comfortable to laugh.

She took a small bank that was sitting under the bed and asked me to follow her. We went to the bathroom and there she shaved my head. And I thought that would be everything for the 17th of July; I went to my bed to take some rest, maybe talk a bit with Mr. Arnold if he decided to wake up. Anyway, I just remembered that still have to talk to Mrs. Rianne. It could be a sign that 17th of July is just at its beginning.

I was in the bed for around 30 minutes after Angela left. I knew that because she gave me her watch before she went away. If someone asked me about my idea of paradise now, probably I would say that the most perfect example of it would be just stay in a hospital, with someone taking care of you. Of course that's the most stupid answer for everyone in the world. However, comparing it with my experiences of yesterday, I can say I'm in heaven. It's all relative.

Unfortunately, after the incident with Mr. Arnold, they took away the TV from the room. But Angela promised me to arrange something useful for my spare time. And I do have time. I tried to have Mr. Arnold's attention, talking to myself and pretending to sing a song that I even don't really know if that was a song indeed. It doesn't matter at all. After 5 minutes I went to the toilet, I wanted to take a leak. When I came out the toilet I saw that figure, I couldn't dare to call it a man. He was so thin and white. Not white, but almost transparent. He was staring at me, with his blue eyes, really light-blue eyes. For one moment I thought he was still sleeping, so I took one step further. He was following my steps with his eyes. Fortunately, I reached my bed before he could freeze me with that look. Then, for my surprise, he said:

- Hello Natan.

:: Chapter IV ::

:: Chapter II - A recorded voice ::

Chapter II
A recorded voice

I’m on my way to the hospital, lying on this white stretcher; but I’m feeling really better now, I can open both of my eyes. After hours of pain and blindness, it’s a really comfortable feeling. There are two paramedics in the ambulance alongside me; they are talking to each other now, in Dutch; maybe about my condition. I don’t remember being asked to give them any ID. I would like to see something else other this white roof. Let’s try to create a dialog.

- Hummm… Hello there (and I coughed).
- So, you are awake, Cinderella; and doesn’t speak Dutch.

And the other guy said:

- It wasn’t Cinderella who went to sleep, I already told you. It was Sleepy Beauty.
- Well, I bet he got the point. Anyway, they were all beautiful princesses with nice clothes and a bunch of guys running after them.
- I’m fine, guys, thanks for asking.
- You should be fine now. We cleaned up the wound on your left eye. Now it’s just a blacked eye. About your head, I hope you don’t mind, but we had to shave it bit to be able to clean it and put some bandages.
- So, it wasn’t that bad at all. A shaved head and a blacked eye, that’s fine for me.
- I didn’t finish yet. You forgot about your leg? Let’s say, you had an affair with one of those carnivorous jellyfish from the Wadden Sea. They use to appear during the low tide. It’s not like a box jellyfish, but it hurts a lot. We cleaned the wound with acetic acid and now it’s fine.

What more could happen to me? It looks like those Bruce Willis’s films: when everything goes wrong and he gets all the wounds he can take; and by the end he saves the world. I guess I’m no supposed to save the world, I didn’t do anything to anyone; at least I’m expecting so.

- Sir, now you are awake, we need some personal details to send to the hospital, if that’s okay with you.
- So, she didn’t mention to you that I have amnesia…?
- She? There was no she. We found you unconscious closer to a phone booth, in the parking spot on the west side of the island. I don’t recall now, but I guess my colleague told me on the phone that you made the call.
- One moment, now it’s getting worse. I had a whole conversation with someone I created myself?
- Sir, I don’t really know. I will ask my colleague to send the recorded call so you can hear that for yourself.
- I would really appreciate that.
- As you pleased, Sir.

It’s a bit insane: “there was no she”. I know I have been through some stress in the last hours, but start creating illusions is far beyond my imagination. But, as the paramedic said, I was stung by this very poisoned jellyfish; perhaps that’s why I saw the angel-like lady. For now I can just wait for him to call his colleague.

I think we are about ten minutes on the way to somewhere. I didn’t have a chance to ask where they are taking me. It’s so obvious: to the Hospital. But, where is the Hospital? It’s just a matter of asking them, they are nice guys. Maybe for now, I can keep checking the interior of this ambulance, looking for some useful information; or at least something that I wouldn’t have to ask for. What I see on my left side is:

1. Defibrillator;
2. High-Flow-CPAP (that one is used for intensive care);
3. Container for syringes and needles;
4. Syringe drivers;
5. Some drugs;
6. Some drawers with bandages, burn kits and masks;
7. Calendar…

At least now I know today’s date: Thursday, 16th July 2009. And I know that because they have one of those plastic pieces to mark the current date on the calendar. It’s a squared red piece of plastic, probably with a magnetic bottom used to hold the paper against the metal of the ambulance.

The paramedic just came to me to say that he got the recorded call. It’s marvellous how the technology can help us nowadays. He showed me just one mobile phone and told that her colleague sent a MP3 file with the call. He asked me:

- Do you really want to hear that? We know you have been through something really bad; you lost you memory; and now we told you have created that lady. First of all, you have to remember that we are trying to help you.

He just turned on the “thing”. First I heard some noise, like the wind waving the trees; then the voice. I was stunned! I was hearing what seemed to be my own voice. The recording said:

- Do you speak English? Please, I need help. I woke up at this place. I don’t know where I’m, my head is bleeding and I have wounds on my leg and left eye. Please, send an ambulance.

I was stunned! That could be difficult to anyone in the world to deny his own voice on a recording. I tried to tell the paramedic that there was that girl, and she wasn’t alone. I haven’t seen anyone, but she mentioned “we went there to see the seals”. I asked him:

- How could I know about seals at that place?
- It’s your own story, Sir, I have no idea. But don’t worry; we understand your current condition. We are about three minutes from the ferry, and then you should be taken to the hospital in Dokkum. It will take around forty minutes to arrive there, but you are fine and we already gave you the medicine you need.

I have to find something logic about the recording. I cannot remember who I’m or how I came to this place, but I do remember everything else, since when I found that piece of mirror and took their attention. I just remembered the names of the equipments in this ambulance, maybe I was a doctor. I mean, I’m a doctor. Okay, I got another good shot: the voice frequency. And I said:

- I know it may sound strange for you, a guy with amnesia talking about voice frequency, but due to the noise we heard on the line it could be something else pretending to be me. Perhaps the people who rescued me had something better to do and just put me closer to that phone booth after they called the ambulance. You guys do know about the voice frequency. What we hear from our own voice is not the same sound we hear from a recording machine, for example. A typical telephone transmits frequencies in the range 300 to 3.000 vibrations per second. It’s really much narrower than the 80 to 10.000 vibrations per second we do.
- Sir, I was really good in science, so I don’t need this explanation. Perhaps they did that to you. Did you already think about? I think you should take some rest, you need that. In time everything will be explained.

What did he mean by “in time everything will be explained”? I cannot keep arguing with them now. I don’t know anything and unfortunately I need them. I still have a couple of minutes before they send me to the coast; I can try some other approach.

- Did you give me any sodium amibarbital? You know it could make me speak.
- No Sir, we didn't. We know what does it do and its reactions. Also, we know that you need medical attention and probably will stay for few days in the hospital. Sodium amibarbital can only be used when other therapies doesn't work. We don't even know your situation. Please, I'm trying to help and asking for your cooperation. My colleague will take you to the ferry and through the way to the hospital, please behave yourself.

That said I could only shut up. I felt like a child, when accidently threw its ball against the neighbour window. I was really ashamed. When I looked again, I saw he was saying something to his colleague. Unfortunately I couldn't hear that. Then he turned to me and said:

- Due to our whole conversation, I didn't get any detail about you. I know you cannot tell me your name, because you don't remember, but I didn’t see any ID. Don’t worry about that right now, you will be asked for in the hospital.

When we reached our destination, though I told them I could walk, they insisted that I should stay lied in the stretch and they could take me to the ferry. After my desperate speech about the recording and everything else, that was really nice that they were still keeping the good work; they are really good professionals.

We were walking down the quay and I could see from my stretch the sun set. They told me to lie down, but I insisted to sit, instead. I couldn't let that gorgeous sun set goes away without having a proper look at it. There was no wind, so the water was really quiet; the sun was in red flames, going down nicely. It seemed it could evaporate the whole sea, sterilize the whole planet; it seemed it was really closer to us, just like a carriage guided by fire horses going round and round, every day. One day it should stop, would stop. Everything has an end, doesn't matter how long it takes to be reached. One day the horses won't be on fire any more; one day there won't be anyone to give them a look, to contemplate their beauty, so they shall go to their barn and just sleep.

:: Chapter III :::

:: Chapter I - Just another unfamiliar face ::

Chapter I
Just another unfamiliar face

I woke up and looked into the sky. At least, that was I thought I could see with that light. It could be anything else, from a big ball of fire to a simple spark that denies dying in that wilderness of darkness. I could feel the sand spread over my body; I was lying on the ground. I tried to open up a bit more my eyes, but I realised that only one eye could be opened. And what I saw was a crow, flying against that spark: the Sun. And it seems the spark has consumed the crow. I swear I saw it burning, feathers and flesh; then falling.

Where am I? I could not remember almost anything, and didn't matter how hard I could try. I tried to stand up; then I tasted the blood on my mouth, sand... I was so thirsty. I saw blood on my hands; I felt blood coming down from my head. I was starving. I remembered the crow I have just seen falling down the sky and I thought I could even eat that thing. I was starving.

Walking on the desert is never a nice thing to do. And you can't imagine how hard it is when you are bleeding, one of your legs, the right one to be more precisely, is causing lots of pain, and your left eye is totally closed. But I still could see something; and suddenly I started to realise that it wasn't a desert at all. I could feel some breeze; I was recovering from the shock. So, where am I?

The spark was the Sun, indeed. It was rising when I saw the crow burning. Was it a crow? Was it burning? I just saw a silhouette, could be anything. I was in shock. After 20 minutes, maybe half kilometre has passed, I saw dunes: the white sand that dares to move against the cities. Or that would be the cities, the men, daring to move against the sea? I could see kites, big ones like parachutes. I could see what seemed to be people. I wasn't lost. Now it's just a matter of time to find out where I am.

Another kilometre and I can reach those people, I hope. Certainly, that would be better if they could reach me first. I cannot even cry for help; so tired. I guess they are really busy, like partying. I just need to find a way to get their attention, but my mouth is so dry that even the blood has been turned into ashes. I have nothing with me, but my wallet. Probably I don't have anything that could help me to have them looking at my direction. It will take hours to walk or craw as an animal this distance.

After ten minutes I'm on my knees. I need something! In a desperate reaction, fighting against the fear to die, I start moving the sand around me, scratching, and digging. I need to find something. Then pain again. My left hand is bleeding; not something serious, probably it was just a piece of glass... Glass! It could help somehow, I think. I continue digging carefully; I don't want to get hurt again. Then, at least for the last hour, the most wonderful thing in my life has just happened: I found that piece of glass. Removing the wet sand from it I realise it wasn't a simple piece of glass, but a mirror. That's even better, a sort of makeup mirror. I wander how it came to this place. It seems to be a private beach, or somewhere in an island. Maybe a couple, cheating their parents; or it was a young girl that came and took this mirror from her mom's purse. It's not the most important thing to think about now; I've got better stuff to do: take their attention.

Now the Sun is about 30 degrees above the horizon, it means I’m somewhere in the north of the equator; there are few clouds in the sky. I can use the mirror to reflect the Sun light against someone else’s face, like a child playing with its cat. In that case, I have three cats. At least, that's what I can see. Of course, at this distance and due to my current condition, I cannot distinguish if they are adults or not. Anyway, let's see how many cats I can get playing around with my spotlight. I just need someone to see me.

Suddenly I find out that it's not going to be as easy as I thought at first glance. There are just few clouds and we are under the Sun light. There is no way I could have a strong beam of light through the shadows; there is no shadow at all. Either some clouds move over them or I have to point this light beam straight to someone's eyes. I have to keep trying. I cannot dare to stop trying. Only few minutes have gone, but it seems to be hours for me: down on my knees, waving my left hand with this mirror. I will lie down on this beach and just wait for that crow: it has to stop falling one day. The simple act of thinking hurts now. On a great effort I try last shot; ease, wait for the right moment, when he should be staring at you… I got it! I guess I hit straight on his bastard face. The silhouettes are coming, just like the crow; I can see them coming; I can take some rest now.

It’s like a dream. No, it’s a dream de facto. I can feel the wetness on my mouth; this precious water flowing through my body and keeping me on. I’m not sleeping. I know that because I can hear people talking; nevertheless I cannot understand what they are talking about. I’m almost sure they are talking about the guy lying on their place. That’s the most probably thing to think now. I’m not awake as well. I’m in a conscience state between two worlds, where I cannot afford to stay. I don’t remember that much about what happened; I don’t even remember my name. Thus, I have to wake up and start asking questions. But ask about what? I should have checked my wallet first, when I woke up on that beach. By now I would know at least who I am.

I wake up with this voice; so soft and gentle. I can barely remember the last events of my life, a sort of hysterical amnesia, but I recall something good from this voice, as when you are a child in your first summer, enjoying a beach and feeling the breeze coming from the sea. Even better, climbing a hill and feeling the wet grass tangling on your feet. So I wake up to see this girl, at a first glance an angel: blond hair, blue eyes, with a sculptural body, surrounded by this energy. She looked at me and spoke again, just like a symphony coming into my head, thousand of angels speaking at the same time. And then I wake up, again. I realised I wasn’t awake.

And she said:

- Are you feeling better, Sir? We found you in a bank of sand, between Ameland and Terschelling. You are really lucky. That’s just a bank of sand. We went there to see the seals. Do you have any idea where you are?

I tried to speak, but my voice was fading away. A bit more of effort and I said:

- I don’t remember either who I’m or how I came to this place. I just woke up at that beach. I was so desperate that I didn’t have time to check my wallet for IDs. Have you done that? If so, don’t worry, it’s not a problem. And I’m really grateful for the help. For how long did I sleep?
- Only for few hours. When we found you, we thought you have passed away, but you were still breathing. We brought you here to have a look at your wounds. We already called an ambulance.
- Where is here? You mentioned Ameland and Terschelling. Where are those places? Unfortunately, I cannot recall them both.
- I understand. Probably only Dutch, Germans and Scandinavian people are familiar with those islands. If you want, I can give some explanation about the Dutch Wadden Islands. Ah! Almost forgot: we didn’t check you wallet, you can do it yourself, and maybe it will be of some help.

I took my wallet from my right back pocket. It was a black leather wallet with some details in metal. Actually, more expansive than I guess I could pay for. Anyway, I took from this wallet a passport and one ID card. For my surprise, both documents were from different persons, because I saw different names; and more than that: there were no pictures, no faces. Who am I?

She was looking at me, with some fear in her eyes. It should be a mortal sin to put ear in such magical eyes. I didn’t know what to tell about what I took from my wallet. I could not lie as well, the situation is already really complicated for me, and lie would only make it even worse. She told the ambulance is coming. So, I can show her what I found and the doctors can give me some sodium amibarbital, thus I can speak about what I don’t remember. I don’t have that much to remember about my fugue state, so I don’t really care. In fact, forget about her face is the only down side.

Structure of Amobarbital

I showed the documents to her and she decided to call the police as well. I agreed, because I know I couldn’t get any help from anyone if I decided to keep hiding without any reason. The passport was of one lady named Anne-Marie Leloup; she was born on 3rd August 1950, in Lille, France. It doesn’t say anything to me. Now the poor lady is just someone without passport. The ID card came from one guy, Stanley Holloway, was born on 30th January 1982, in London, England. Well, I can feel as a hollow man. Those names doesn’t say anything, doesn’t make any sense. She doesn’t know as well, and I don’t have to ask. It’s just a matter of take a look at her face, she was pallid.

The sirens are getting closer, the ambulance is about to arrive. Maybe the police are coming along with them, I don’t know. She called them both, but she called first the ambulance. Someone is knocking on the door, maybe just kids playing around.

:: Chapter II ::

:: Prologue ::

Prologue

Let me see: passports, tickets, credit cards, some cash, the cat has food enough for one week; darling, did you change the sand from cat's box?

- Yes, it got a brand new pack of sand.

So, we are ready to go. Please call a cab, we have to be at the airport in 30 minutes; remember last time that we had to wait for another flight. I don't want to wait for three hours at the airport; or worst, have to come back to home.

Why it's always has to be like this before a holiday’s trip? It's just for one week, we have to enjoy it. But I know she will get better as soon as we take the flight. I have everything under control, I always do.

Poor cat will be here by its own with this sand box. We will be back soon, kitty, no worries.

- Someone is knocking on the door. Did you call the cab already?

- No, but let me check who is out there; maybe just kids playing around.

:: Chapter I ::

I got a new subject

Hello everybody,

Sometime ago I thought about this blog as something that I could use to help people to come to The Netherlands. At that time, my main idea was about adding content that could be really useful, for those ones who want to move and also to friends that are always trying to know a bit about how things are going.

Well, everything changes; and probably the thing that changes most is the human mind. Now I got a new idea for my blog. It could be stupid to some of you; or maybe you will just think that I'm really crazy and I don't have anything better to do. However, it is really important to me. ;)

The gold question: what the hell are you going to do?

The answer is not that simple. It's not something that I could put in one line. But the main stream is: there will be no ICT related stuff on my blog. Also, there will be no immigration and/or naturalisation aid.

Sorry for that, fellas. It's just a matter of trying to find something to do with my spare time that I would really be proud of.

Once again: what the hell are you going to do?

Actually, I'm writing a book! Crazy, hun? But that's the truth. I had his idea yesterday in the morning. and I already wrote 2 pages for the first chapter. I have almost everything on my head! I will be posting, day after day (or week after week) new chapters (or parts of a chapter). I don't want any money from that. I just want to do something cool, different and share with other people. You can read at home, you can read on your mobile phone while you are in a train, etc. If you don't like it, please, please, please do not hesitate to contact me. It's important to understand what you think about the whole thing and how I could make it suitable for different types of readers.

Many of you can think I'm trying to show of, nevertheless that will be good to improve my English and also do some research about other matters.

Almost forgot: if you are a native English speaker, or just write better than I (what is not really difficult), please give me feedbacks/help to correct any misspelling word. I will really appreciate that. :)

See you around.

:: Prologue ::