:: Chapter VI - Farewell, Natan ::

Chapter VI
Farewell, Natan

- Good morning Sir. Hummm... Ok, they asked me to not do that, but I think we should either name you or use the name you asked us to. So, may I still call you Natan?
- Good morning Angela. And yes, you can call me Natan. I understand Jeroen’s concerns about my condition, but it’s not about alter egos, it’s just a name. Who knows in the future we can laugh about all of this, even about the name I took as mine.
- So, how are you doing today, Natan? Any news you would like to share?
- Well, I have indeed. It’s not news, but just a thinking I got after the talk I had with Jeroen yesterday. Actually, a bunch of coincidences. Do you have some time for a poor insane guy?
She looked at me with some serenity in her eyes; those big blue eyes. At the same time I thought that was pity, instead of serenity. Nevertheless I could realise that she would hear what I had to say.
- Your eyes have just answered my question.
- Thus, you can go ahead Natan.
- I know it will sound a bit insane, but just listen carefully, I guess it could help Dr. Rianne with some diagnosis. Well, I heard the recording of that day, Jeroen just came by after I woke up. What he played was just a big sequence of palindromic prime numbers. That is really difficult to reproduce, but I went so far that I almost didn't believe that was me. Still about palindromes, my room number, one-three-one, is really one; even the name I choose is a palindrome. To keep going on it a bit more, if we replace the letters of my name by numbers instead, we have one-four-one-two-zero-one-four-one. Let's remove the zero and we get another palindrome, and that one is prime. Going deeper into it, if we keep the zero we will have the number two-zero back, what is twenty; its position on the alphabet is related to the letter T; the Proto-Semitic symbol for T looks like the plus sign; thus, if we sum them we get two-eight-two. Should I go further?
- That is impressive, Natan. You really kept you math memories. I do understand some rules, but I wouldn’t think of something like that by my own. I heard Dr. Rianne talking about retrograde amnesia as well. You lost your memory, but you can keep math knowledge and a learn it really faster than normal people would do. But for now, just have your breakfast, it’s ten past ten already. We brought the TV last night, you can watch something and pretend to understand Dutch language. Nevertheless, you can just keep flicking through the channels. Still talking about news, Mr. Arnold asked us to move him to this room again. I hope it wouldn’t be a problem.
- Not at all. That will be really nice. But, when did he wake up?
- Well, about one week already, I guess. He is doing quite good. You will see for you self. Now I have to go.
- Thanks for everything, Angela, chiefly for listening to me. I’m really glad to have you here. Though I don’t know you that better, we still have some time to know each other.

She blushed a bit when I told that. She was really gorgeous... sublime.

- If you need something else, Natan, just let me know. See you later.
- Bye.

What did I mean by “bye”? I was just like a teenager, falling in love with the beautiful nurse. That wasn’t the right time to handle a romance. Would be better try to watch some TV and forget about what happened; and I was good with forgetting stuff.

I woke up from a deep sleep and then I realised that Mr. Arnold was staring at me from the door. However, the biggest surprise wasn't that, but the simple fact that he was standing; no wheelchair at all. So, in about one week he got really better. It looked like he had a bit more of life within, some extra energy. I would like to have the same medicine they gave to him.

Then he looked very deep into my eyes for a couple of minutes; as if he was looking for something, trying to read anything that he could get. I didn't say a word because I needed to make sure I wasn't sleeping anymore. Then he took one step further; for sure the deep sleep had gone by now.

- So, Angela already told you about me, right?
- Yes Mr. Arnold. What did they give to you? If I may ask. You look really better; I thought I was still sleeping.
- Well, I don't know how I got that better. It just happened. Also, there are some other things that even they have no idea how to explain. In the last three days I got back some memories as well; I'm feeling renewed. Perhaps it's the Death Angel giving me his greetings.
- I'm really glad for you, Mr. Arnold; and I doubt the Angel has come down to deliver you. Maybe you still have things to do and just got an extra time. Anyway, I'm really glad because now they will believe we played a bit of chess that night.
- I don’t know for sure, but I guess we didn't play at all. But it still true: I did have a chess table under my bed. But neither get worried nor start thinking about what you have done or not. As it happened to me, the answers will come to you as well. By the way, I asked them to put me back in this, your, room. My family is coming today and I want you to meet them, if that's okay with you.
- No problem, Mr. Arnold, it will be a pleasure. Concerning the chess match, maybe it was a dream or you just don't remember that. As you are getting your memories back, then the match happened during your fugue state. Anyway, let's move on; and that will be really nice to have you as a roommate again.

He hesitated for a couple of minutes, like trying to remember something he knew that he wouldn't be able to do so; he looked too far gone already. I shouldn't argue about some others people memories; I was in a worse state than him. Actually, he looked great compared with few days ago.

- Hey Mr. Arnold, are you okay?
- Yes... Yes. I just had a strange feeling, like everything was just fading away; but never mind. Concerning our chess match, no worries, if we didn't have that, it makes no difference: we are going to have one sooner. Now I have to go, see you later.
- See you, Mr. Arnold.

He went away; and the last thing I have heard from him was:

- Please, call me Arnold, Natan.

I didn't have any appointment, at least I wasn't aware of anything. Angela came, told me the news, heard my theories and went away almost as fast as Arnold. I would like to talk to someone else or just to leave this place. I was feeling like living in a prison. Nothing could make sense: numbers, names, palindromes... The whole thing was totally awkward. At least I was not tied to the bed anymore. So, I went to the toilet just to take a look at my face. I could remember that, but it was one week already since I have seen myself for the last time.

The toilet was the same, as my face. I knew I wouldn't get any answers just staring at the mirror, but I looked so strange to myself that it took around five minutes before I realised I got some beard. Unfortunately, they have took away the razor blades. After what I have done, that made lots of sense. I cleaned my face, in an attempt to wash away all those new memories; I wanted my old life back. Then someone knocked on the door. I stretched my body and took a look from the toilet door: they were just a couple of guys bringing some stuff to the room; maybe Arnold's stuff.

- Hi there.
- Hello Sir. Is everything okay?
- Yes, thanks for asking.
- We are just moving Mr. Arnold's stuff. We will be finished in a bit.
- Okay. It will be very nice to share the room with him again.
- Please, tell him that we found his chess table.
- Fine, I will.

And so they kept moving a mattress, Arnold's wheelchair and what I presumed was a briefcase with some clothes. After they have finished they just went away, as the guy told me. The only interesting point on this was that guy: he really looked like the guy who helped that lady to rescue me. But I couldn't prove anything and, above all, I couldn't mention that anymore. Not without getting in troubles. Nevertheless, I have got a detective working, helping me, on that. I went to my bed, it was about two o'clock in the afternoon and Arnold's family would come by. I couldn't sleep, not as deep as I have slept before.

I switched on the TV and tried to find anything in English. I found the History Channel on the number 209; at least it's not a palindrome number. Except if I added two to nine, so I would get eleven, and that one is a special palindromic prime number. If one considers the divisibility test for eleven, it can be deduced that any palindromic number with an even number of digits is divisible by eleven. Therefore, except for eleven, all palindromic primes have an odd number of digits. That was enough already. I could not afford those thoughts. I was already a tiny tired of all of this. It could get worse and I should put some effort on stopping those theories.

Then I heard some steps in the corridor. It seemed to be not only one person coming, but a whole parade. Perhaps it's Arnold's family. I was about to meet someone else other than people from the Hospital, and that was a sort of exciting. I couldn’t have any concerns about clothes, it wasn’t a date. But still, I had this feeling like receiving someone at my place, so I would like to have everything sorted out. Anyway, it wouldn't matter at all.

And so, after another thirty seconds, they came through the door. Arnold came first, and following him was his wife, as I presumed. It could sound a bit strange, but she looked like a young-old woman, with silver hair and a strange semblant on her eyes. After her a saw a real young lady, already around her thirties. She had a beautiful blond hair and brown eyes, that probably she got from her mother. They looked really nice, smiling and waving for me, a strange guy lying in bed with a remote control on his hand.

And then Arnold took the first move, just like in a chess match.

- So Annie, that's Natan, the guy I have been talking about.
- Hello Natan, it's a pleasure to meet you. Really nice to know that you came just few days before Arnold started getting better.
- Hi madam. It's a pleasure for me as well. I hope we all can meet again in a near future.
- Just call me Annie. You are a friend of my husband; thus a friend of mine too. And due to the changes on Arnold's condition, we shall come more often.
- That's really comfortable to know. At least, for some time, I will have someone to talk to. And the young lady, your daughter I presume.
- Oh yes, that's Emma, Natan. I don't know, or I don't remember, how good you are with chess. But I bet she can bit you. And it's not because she is my daughter, but she is really clever.
- Okay, let's have this chess tournament. Do you play chess as well, Annie?
- I do play a bit, but not as Emma.

For something about thirty minutes we had a really good time. I felt as I was from the family. I guess I got more attention than I really deserved, but it was so good that I could still ask for more. Actually, it would be a bit difficult to describe if I had to. They kept playing some memory games with Arnold. That was really impressive how Arnold could remember almost everything: moments, relatives' names, places,... Amazing! But then it happened. Slowly Arnold raised his hands to his head. He looked really strange, pale; his eyes had no expression.

- Who are you people?! Where am I?! Go away!
- Arnold, love, it's me Annie.
- No, you're not!

I started pushing the red button like a crazy. Emma was crying and had no action at all. When I realised Arnold was having a sort of trauma, epileptic attack. Then Angela and Madelijne came.

- What is going on here?! Angela, please time the seizure. All of you, please keep the area clear, he is having a tonic clonic seizure, but he will be fine.
- It's stopping already, Doctor Madelijne. It was shorter then I was expecting.
- Okay, turn him onto one side, gently. He is getting his conscious back.

It was so awful. I was really scared. But it seemed Arnold was coming back; he was looking for a point to fix his eyes on.

- What happened? Who are you? How did I come to this place? I don't recall anyone, but you.
Then he looked at me. That was really strange. He was still lying in bed; I didn't know if he could move at all. He was fading away again, like he was going to sleep.
- Shadows... You are all shadows. Darkness...
- Arnold, it's me, Annie, stay with me. Arnold!
- You are not her. I know my wife. You are just a shadow. But you, Natan, I can see you. What are you doing here? You have to go back as well.
Then he opened his mouth. I could see what seemed to be an Angel behind him, dropping something.
- Go back. You shouldn't be here. For whatever reason you came here, just go back.
- Arnold, what do you mean?
- Go back...

And so he passed away.

- Farewell, Arnold.

:: Chapter VII ::

:: Chapter V - The detective ::

Chapter V
The detective

I was waiting for the detective at the same room I talked to Doctor Rianne. It was a relatively big room for just a talk; I guess bigger than the room I was sharing with Mr. Arnold. The table and two chairs were put in the middle of the room. With mathematical precision, I would say. I still didn't know his name; didn't have a chance to ask about. I didn't know for sure how he would be able to help me; how I would be able to explain about Mr. Arnold and the whole thing; from a simple "hello" to a match of chess; without look insane. Once more, I had just one shot. After everything that have happened, I couldn't simple rely on what he would say. Then he came.

- Morning, Sir. Putting aside your problems, how things are going here?
- Good morning, Sir...?
- Oh, sorry. It's Jeroen van der Wijk. A bit complicated for you, I think. But you can use only Jeroen, and that's my first name.
- Now it's fine. So good morning Mr. Jeroen. You can call me Natan.
- I think it's not a good idea to adopt an alter ego, Sir. We have to find your own. Is that right?
- No problem. So, from where are we going to start?

At this moment, he started looking into his briefcase. He took a notebook, few pens, a voice recorder and what seemed to be some medicine. Perhaps now I'm going to remember something, I thought.

- I already know some stuff; last night, I had a long talk with Rianne about you. For now, I need you to tell me anything that has possible happened after you talked to her.

For one moment, I thought about the way he mentioned Doctor Rianne. They were colleagues, but referring to her to a patient in such close way it's a bit strange. If they are married, or living in a relationship, she should have told me; at least I think she could. Anyway, it doesn't matter now. The only thing I need is get better quickly.

Then I told him everything about what happened. The conversation with Mr. Arnold, the news about his condition and even about the chess match we had up to 3 AM. For my surprise, he already knew about that.

- What if I tell you that Mr. Arnold is not able to talk right now? He is in an inducted coma.
- That's not true. He talked to me. He remembers the name I'm using. Wait, are you recording that?
- Yes Sir, I am. Please, the first step for you is to try to help yourself. You have to focus.
- Goddamned! That's the truth. He talked to me twice already!
- Sir, let's follow my plans: I will give you a shot of amibarbital. I need you to try to relax and I will do some basic questions. After that I hope you can answer everything I need to know. I will record all of our conversation, so you can listen for yourself later on. Is that fine for you?
- Yes, it's fine. But could you ask someone to bring some water? I'm really thirsty.

Since there was no phone in this room, Jeroen went out to look for some one. I knew that I was about to do something really crazy, but that was the only chance I had. I got up and took one of the chairs with me; quickly, but silently. I was waiting for him, hiding like a child. He wouldn't be able to see me before his fourth step into the room. Suddenly I heard he was coming. Now it's just a matter to wait for the right moment. Then, when I saw his head, I cast the chair against him; he just fell. However, there was no blood; and it was a sort of relief for me.

Now it was just a matter of time till someone would come. I knew that because he wasn't carrying any water. So I had to put my insane plan in practice, and quickly. I got his voice recorder and the amibarbital; I sat and tried to relax before the first move. Then I took a syringe and withdrew from the recipient all liquid that it could support. With one shot I inject everything on my vein, from my left arm; thus I fell.

I woke up in a green field. Perhaps the largest field I have ever seen. It was so flat that I could see a person kilometres away from me; but I couldn't see anyone now. The weather was so nice, warm, that I just realised that I was naked 5 minutes after I woke up. The sky was really blue and clear. I doubt anyone in the Earth have ever seen something like this before. However, there was no Sun. I wouldn't be able to explain if someone has asked, but there was no Sun for sure. I didn't know from where this light was coming from, but I guess it should be a good source. Everything was clear, linearly clear. Like thousands, or millions, of spotlights hanging in the sky. I felt strong and perfectly health. I ran for a couple of minutes; it seemed I haven't run at all; or I just ran really fast that I reached the same place I was before. I had to keep running.

After some time running in the middle of nowhere, I saw what seemed to be a mirror, like a big wall of glass. As I was getting closer, I could see some other figures, like people. Then I realised that those people were me, just a reflex; but how could they be? Closer I got and there were thousands of them, of me. They were so quite, like there weren’t moving at all. When I could contemplate their faces I saw nothing, but just feeless, nameless faces, no expression, no life. They weren't following my movements; they were just standing in front of me. Then I asked to myself:

- Who am I?

And they answered:

- We are you. You have to go back. And we shall not allow you to pass.

I woke up with a strong headache. It seemed I have just had a brain surgery and the doctor has used a power drill. I was a bit dizzy, but I could see that there was someone sitting before me. I tried to get up, but my forearms were tied. Then I realised that someone was adjusting the bed, since I couldn’t get up. That was Angela; she looked angry. So she said:

- You should be grateful for those that are trying to help you, instead of cast chairs against their heads.
- What happened?
- Well, that’s the 4th time you wake up and do the same question. Are you going to sleep again like the other times?
- Maybe now I’m really awake. What happened to me? Why am I tied against this bed? Where is Mr. Arnold?
- I guess you are really awake: too many questions. Doesn’t matter if I’m mad at you, I would have to answer those anyway. What happened: you cast a chair against Mr. Jeroen’s head. He fell and has been unconscious for something about 30 minutes. You are tied: well, you just took a shot of amibarbital that would make an elephant speak. That’s a good answer. Concerning Mr. Arnold, we moved him to another room. You are a bit instable, let’s say.

This time she was cold, tired, no expression on her face, no smile. I really did a big mess. Slowly I started remembering when I hit Jeroen’s head with the chair; what a crazy thing to do when you have amnesia and no documents. And what about that dream I had? I needed help, so I couldn’t talk about that now; chiefly because I didn’t have anyone else to rely on.

- I know that there are no apologies for what I have done to Mr. Jeroen; and probably my regret is not enough. I just need help, and I was desperately looking for someone to answer my questions.

She looked at me for what seemed to be few minutes. She didn't say anything, just kept looking, like someone trying to understand what is within you. I didn't know if she would be able to find something. I couldn't be able to do that myself; not now.

- Mr. Jeroen will come to see you. He came to the hospital every day since you did that. And it's also good to keep him up to date concerning your condition.
- Please, wait. What did you mean by "came ... Everyday..."? What date is it?
- It's Friday, 31st July, Sir. I will bring some food and water. If you need something in the meantime, you know what to do: push the red button.

So, I have been sleeping for almost 15 days; it’s a quite long period. It’s strange because it seemed I slept only for few minutes, only one dream: running in the field and facing myself in the mirror; facing thousands of me. Better wait for the detective and see if he got something interesting for me. Perhaps I could sleep a bit; return to that dream and try to get the answers for my questions.

I started sleeping again in what seemed to be few seconds after Angela left. For my surprise I went back to that dream: I was facing the same mirror; but there was none there. The light was fading away, like someone was switching off the sky. Suddenly, everything was dark, no spotlight at all. I couldn’t see anything; couldn’t be able to hear anything, except my own voice. There could be at least a moon, and so I would be able to see its pale face; but not even the moon was there. I should wake up; I could not afford that dream anymore. I was sleeping for centuries already...

- Hello Cinderella. I don’t have to kiss you, right?

The field was still dark, I couldn’t see anyone. But I knew someone just called me; or tried to make a joke. I remembered the guys from the ambulance, one of them told the same thing. It’s a bad joke.

- Who’s there?
- Wake up, man. You are still sleeping.

That was rude. Only one person could be mad at me at this moment: Mr. Jeroen. I just cast a chair against his head, so he has lots of reasons to be mad at me.

- Hi Mr. Jeroen. May I start saying sorry? I know it’s not enough, but...
- Don’t worry. I’ve been through worse. Next time you will be tied against the table, as you are now.

At least he was smiling on the right corner of his mouth.

- It won’t be a problem, Mr. Jeroen. So, tell me, what you have found? I hope you have had some time to find the owners of those documents.
- Indeed, Sir. However, I don’t have good news for you: both documents were false. I did my researches, trying to understand why someone would put that stuff in your wallet. I have my some theories, a bit strange I confess; but the whole thing is insane. So, here it goes: the passport is supposed to be from someone born in 1950; one lady. The only thing I found about a lady and a passport on 3rd August 1950 was a film: A Lady without Passport. Does it ring any bell?
- No, unfortunately not.
- Maybe the person who did that was a big fan of cinema. There was no delivery of a baby named Stanley Holloway 30th January 1982. However, and that’s relay crazy, the British actor Stanley Holloway died on this date. He was born on 1st October 1890.
- I have no idea at all. It seems really insane for me as well. Even on my condition, I wouldn’t be able to think about something like that.
- The third thing: the tape...
- Which tape?
- In your attempt to get an overdose of amibarbital you switched on the voice recorder. Of course it was intentional. Thus, I have the tape. However, before I can go forward, just one question: do you remember anything after the shot?
- I just remember a dream; and that’s the only thing I have in my mind.

Then I told him about the dream, all the elements it contained. Also, I told him about when I went to sleep, after Angela left, the other dream I had.

- Ok, that’s right. We can try to raise some hypotheses about your dream later on. For now, listen to it, please:

He started what I have recorded. The tape played:

- 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 101, 131, 151, 181, 191, 313, 353, 373, 383, 727, 757, 787, 797, 919, 929, 10301, 10501, 10601, 11311, …

He stopped after some time. Didn’t make sense to keep the sequence, I went really far.

- Do you know those numbers, Sir?
- Yes. They are palindromic prime numbers.

:: Chapter VI ::